witless worm

home forum myspace pick it up pick it up videos podcast staticnullvoid wiki zine

odd dirt

breakfast of champions choose your own adventure conversations with smoot confidential information imagined vacations mail petac journal of patrick short stories spider-man &i viking of the year what they said

rants & reviews

book worm breakfast directions drunken concert fists of fury moral debates movie radio television


store tip jar

about the authors

about the authors worm 1 worm 2 worm 3 worm 4 worm 5 worm 6 worm 7 worm 8 worm 9 worm 10 site changelog site map site search sign guestbook view guestbook mail bag mailing list atom/rss/xml feed blogroll feed contact webmaster
rss podcast feed
rss 2.0 feed
css 2.0 valid
xhtml 1.1 valid
last maint: 08.28.2006
germany hawaii lucky charm pat mccurdy logan 2006 larsons big olaf's costello's egg and i
new content
08.25.2006: conversations with smoot
08.21.2006: 2006 voty nominees
08.04.2005: cat borne parasite
08.01.2005: short bus
07.27.2005: 2006 viking of the year
07.21.2006: greatest game never played
07.11.2005: ode to west virginia
07.07.2006: football movies
06.29.2006: flavor country
06.08.2006: conversations with smoot
04.30.2006: conversations with smoot
04.03.2006: conversations with smoot
03.10.2006: fistful of fortune cookies
03.01.2006: occupancy fee
02.14.2006: f valentine's day?
02.02.2006: integrity?
02.01.2006: conversations with smoot
01.20.2006: embracing your inner g
01.06.2006: 2006 dead pool
12.16.2005: conversations with smoot
featured content
11.04.2005: what if jay-z
10.27.2005: 10 punches, 1 drink
09.24.2005: awesome mix tape podcast
09.15.2005: lucky fan contest
09.09.2005: 2005 viking of the year
08.20.2005: american pie 4
08.14.2005: based on a true story
08.14.2005: swirling
08.14.2005: birthday card
08.14.2005: last stand of an american
02.14.2005: st. valentine adventures
07.30.2004: 2004 viking of the year
07.09.2004: for molly
07.09.2004: mr c
07.09.2004: the asshole
07.09.2004: the couch
07.09.2004: vincenti
07.09.2004: the phone talks to me
07.09.2004: warm apple pie
07.09.2004: i used to be vanilla ice
07.01.2004: spider man and i - chapter 1
10.21.2003: 2003 viking of the year
email sign up
date: Wed, 17 May 2003 16:31:26 -0500
from: worm 1
subject: breakfast of champions

  Lone Hippy protests two week absence of Breakfast of Champions outside City Hall

A crazed hippy was seen protesting the two week absence of the breakfast of champions this afternoon at City Hall in downtown Minneapolis. Fox 9 investigative news reporter Tim Sherno has the story:

Tim Sherno: excuse me, crazed hippy, what are you protesting?

crazed hippy: breakfast of champions, man. how do you expect me to eat on the weekends when no one tells me where to go for two weeks straight?

TS: this sounds like fox 9 news investigative report material, what is this breakfast of champions you speak of?

ch: breakfast of champions, man! peace, love and sausage links for everyone!

TS: you do know it's 2003, right?

ch: why are you always trying to get me down, man?

TS: i've never met you before.

ch: you're the devil, Sherno!

TS: look pal, i don't know if you saw our special on falling through thin ice in the winter or the follow-up about the guy who drove his snowmobile into a large pool of open water on a river and lived because he watched our special, but we save lives. important lives! because people who drive a snowmobile into a large pool of open water on a river in the winter on their snowmobile can at least vote. and if i know my bill of rights, and i'm pretty sure i do, hippy's can't vote, man.

ch: "Casey Jones was an old engineer, Call for his family tonight, they will fear, All I need is my water and coal, Look out the windows, see my drag wheel roll."

TS: ok. so what's this breakfast of champions you were talking about? who's behind it?

ch: breakfast of champions is bigger than any one man, man. breakfast of champions is like a whole other world, man. every sunday, just like church. except when it's on saturday, then it's like banana joes. except no girls dance on the tables, it's usually only some balding dude.

-the remainder of the interview lacks and depth or interest, much like what you have just read. this has been another thrilling fox 9 news investigative report. if you wish to meet Tim Sherno he will be continuing his investigation this saturday, 10:30am at the Uptown in Uptown. the one south of hennepin across from Calhoun Square.

Breakfast Of Champions. Unscripted.