| date: | Thu, 27 Feb 2003 12:22:12 -0600 |
| from: | worm 1 |
| to: | comrades@everyoneIKnowWithAnEmailAddress.com |
| subject: | breakfast of champions |
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a brief history of the life of david gale: sometime in 1977: star wars hits the big screen. the first americans land on the moon. the berlin wall comes down. and david gale is born. may, 1981: david gale learns that bicycles are in fact only supposed to have two wheels, not four, finally bring to light for young gale the term "bicycle". october, 1983: david gale receives his first black eye when an argument with a fellow classmate about who's sister is "fatter" escalates into fisticuffs. unfortunately it is only later that afternoon that gale realizes why he lost the argument and subsequently the fight, for david gale has no sister. june, 1987: david gale and jennifer lopez are married to which people magazine claims "with her moves and his quick wit, nothing can stop these two". july, 1987: jennifer lopez files for divorce under the pretense that "gale is a moron". march, 1988: david gale stars in the action thriller Die Hard. when he enters the theater with family and friends to see the premier, he is shocked to discover that he has been replaced and the movie refilmed starring bruce willis. no one seems to care but gale. june, 1993: gale still claims to have been the original player in Die Hard. and still no one cares. may, 1996: david gale writes an unauthorized biography of dustin hoffman. he is continuously asked "why is it unauthorized? hoffman will do anything for a buck. did you see rain man?" gale has no answers. july, 1999: david gale and j.lo are remarried, although it takes gale almost six weeks to realize that j.lo is indeed the same person he married back in 1987. september 1999: j.lo files for divorce, once again claiming "gale is a moron". july, 2002: david gale writes a supplement to his unauthorized biography of dustin hoffman, calling it Hoffman: the last six years, the book is only seven pages long. 10:30 on sunday march 2nd, 2003: david gale attends breakfast at herkimer's in uptown, half a block north of lake street on lyndale. gale still claims to have been the original John McClane. No-One Does Chicken Like the Breakfast Of Champions. |
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